Your thoughts create your feelings, which in turn drive your actions. This is a fundamental part of cognitive behavioural therapy as well as Buddhist traditions. Here is a list of 23 thoughts that will create feelings that make you hate fitness and struggle to keep that resolution.
It is hard to find the motivation to do something you hate. Given that your thoughts create your feelings, these thoughts are more likely going to create feelings of dread, shame, anxiety, irritation, apprehension, disgust or fear.
- I hate fitness
- I just need to grit my teeth and do it
- No pain, no gain
- This will be terrible
- I should sacrifice my [sleep/relaxation/comfort] for my fitness
- I’m not good at fitness
- I’m just not a fit person
Instead of these thoughts, try something like “fitness is self-care” or “I like the way fitness makes my body feel afterwards”
The second category of thoughts is those based on conditional love. Unconditional love is just that unconditional. You would never tell a partner or a child that you could not love them unless they achieved a certain weight or could run a 30-minute 5km, so don’t say that to yourself. These thoughts are likely to create feelings of anxiety, fear and shame. If you’re not perfect in meeting your goal (and you won’t be) then that can lead to a spiral of avoidance, guilt and more avoidance.
8. If I [insert fitness goal] I’ll love my body/myself
9. If I [insert fitness goal] I’ll be attractive/desirable/sexy/loved
10. No one will love me unless I [insert fitness goal]
11. My current [weight/fitness/health/body] means I have failed
12. I need to do this to be happy
This isn’t a lesson about how you should love yourself no matter what.
It’s a practical matter — it will be harder to meet any goal you based your self-worth on achieving. It is very difficult to punish yourself into success. Your happiness or self-worth should not be dependent on your fitness goals. Instead, consider the feelings more unconditional thoughts create, for example, “I want to achieve [fitness goal] but my self-worth doesn’t depend on it”.
We live in a very body-conscious world, so it might not be easy to separate your thoughts and feelings about your body and your self. Even just acknowledging those thoughts and feelings can help, I started with deliberately thinking the thought “I have thoughts and feelings about my weight, but I am willing to feel them”. An emotion lasts for 90 seconds, so think of it as adding a couple of 90-second sets of emotion processing your fitness goals to work through those feelings.
A related category of equally unhelpful thoughts are fantasy goals. If all your thoughts about how you will feel once you achieve the goal and not about how you will feel during the process, it can exacerbate the spiral of avoidance, guilt and more avoidance. So watch out for thoughts that place fitness in between you and things you want to do or feel.
18. If I could just [insert fitness goal] I’d be happy
19. I can’t [travel/wear a swimsuit/go camping/other enjoyable activity] until I [insert fitness goal].
Fantasy goals assume you will feel totally different about yourself and the world once you achieve the goal. Unfortunately, neurons that fire together wire together and you’re still going to have the same brain when you achieve your goal. If wearing a swimsuit creates feelings of discomfort and shame today, that likely won’t magically change if you hit your fitness goal. The most comfortable pattern for your brain will be to come up with a new reason to keep that same thought pattern.
This is not to suggest you don’t set goals — but humans are not very good at waiting for a long-term payoff and goals where we only think about the end result are hard to stick to. Instead, of focusing on the long term, focus your thoughts on the short term, for example, the thought “I’m getting stronger with every workout”.
The third category of thoughts is those based on health being a moral good. Fitness and health are both billion-dollar industries that inundate us with messaging that you should optimise your health and that’s available to everyone if you’ll just pay $49.99 for this widget. It’s normal to want to be healthy. But, you wouldn’t tell someone who broke their leg they were a terrible person and a moral failure and saying that to them would not make them any more likely to do their rehab as their leg healed. Thoughts like the self-critical ones listed below about your health may create feelings of guilt and shame.
13. I can’t go on like this
14. I hate this but I need to do it to address my [weight/health/body]
15. My [insert fitness goal] will push me in a way I need
16. I’m a terrible person due to my [weight/fitness/health/body]
17. This is punishment but I need it
Shame is a terrible motivator. Humans are social creatures and shame is an evolutionary mechanism that allows us to build complex societies and stop people from acting on their desires to the detriment of their community. But it’s also one of the emotions we are most likely to avoid feeling. Focusing on that shame is likely to be demotivating and you’ll avoid fitness to avoid feeling that shame. Focus instead on thoughts that recognise the value of small incremental changes.
Once you do start exercising, thoughts about fitness are also likely to pop up, particularly if you’re not used to exercising or trying something new.
20. My sweat is disgusting
21. People are going to judge my fitness
22. I shouldn’t [so red/breathe so hard/sweat so much]
23. No one wants to see someone like me [run/swim/at the gym]
These thoughts are not helpful and going to create a range of feelings such as disgust, embarrassment, shame and jealousy. It’s hard to stop thinking a thought with nothing to replace it. Instead think about the feelings you want to have about fitness – confidence, joy, conviction and ease – then consciously focus on thoughts that generate those feelings.
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